Monday, 25 January 2016

Why am I waiting?

Every morning I wake up wondering if today is the day I will meet my second daughter. Every night I go to sleep wondering if I will be woken by contractions (or explosive waters breaking like one of my friends).

So far baby girl 2 is staying put, happily wiggling away in her warm, safe cocoon.

It is the waiting game that most pregnant ladies and their partners go through. With full term considered from 37 weeks anyone who doesn't have an unexpectedly early arrival may spend up to 5 weeks thinking "any day now".

People are probably bored of my partner’s response at work saying "yes the meeting is fine, but it's around that baby's due date so I might not be here". I'm definitely bored of making arrangements with the proviso I might have to cancel last minute.

I'm getting an increasing number of messages from friends asking how I'm doing. My reply always a variation of ”I’m good thanks, still no sign of baby".

It's a strange combination of feelings waiting for a baby to arrive.

I'm uncomfortable and limited physically in what I can do. This means no sitting around for long periods (in fact no sitting unless it's on my birth ball or on the edge of a chair), no long walks, no heavy lifting, as little bending as possible, naps are ok, but lead to sleepless nights and I never want to be too far from a toilet.

I am bored of waiting and being uncomfortable and have been doing all I can to encourage the little one to come out, but I know that as soon as my little one is born life will once again change as I know it.

However the birth goes, however she is (and let's face it I'm only going to contemplate best case scenarios right now) I know post birth I will be in a large amount of pain and exhausted. I don't really remember the birth or early weeks from when M was born. The fuzzy combination of hormones, emotions and tiredness has blurred memories (for instance I can't remember delivering the placenta at all, but I must have done). I do remember having 2 very distinct thoughts in the first few weeks: “I have lost all my dignity” due to what my body was going though physically. “This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life” due largely to everything I was going through emotionally and getting breastfeeding established.

So while I can't remember all the details I know it is going to be hard, and this time there is an emotional and fragile 4 year old to take on the journey with me.

Why then am I hoping today is the day my baby arrives? Why am I not making the most of the status quo? Once again I need to remember to slow down, count to ten, enjoy the moment and not rush ahead.
A 40 week pregnancy bump
40 weeks bump

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