Friday, 27 May 2016

Toilets and Relationships

This morning I left the shower running to warm up and when I came back to the bathroom I could hear a tinkling noise which wasn't the shower. Looking around I was faced with the back of my partner. Yes that's right, he was having a wee. In relationships we all have boundaries we aren't prepared to cross and for me the major one is:

"No going to the toilet in the presence of the other person!!!!".

We've come a long way in the relationship. When we first got together I made G play loud music or put headphones on before I would empty my bladder in the same house. Now I can go to the toilet if he is in the next room, well depending what I need to do.
It's not a voluntary control thing, my bladder muscles just wouldn't relax enough to let me go. I'm also not comfortable going in a toilet cubicle when someone I know is also in the toilet and mixed gender toilets? Does the establishment want me to get a bladder infection? The technical name is "paruresis" and it's also known as having a shy bladder. According to this article it affects around 4 million people in the UK. Some people have it so badly they can't 'go' in public, but back to the sharing a bathroom in a relationship: it's not just the shy bladder thing, I also think it's gross.

It's funny because G has seen me have a baby, he was even down the business end at some points. So let's face it there is little mystery left, but there are some lines I do not want to cross. To be fair these rules apply if you want to be friends with me as well. Please don't go to the toilet in front of me. Oh and please don't talk to me about poo. 

It's not like I get to go to the toilet in peace most days: I have 2 children. On an average day I get to change around 6 nappies and wipe the bum of at least 2 people. I have also been known to proactively ask what the contents of my daughter's nappy was like when someone else changed it: did it leak? What colour was it? Consistency? When it comes to baby poo I can sit around and discuss it in a coffee shop over chocolate cake, but adults ... *runs to the toilet to gag*.

I'm trying to think of what other boundaries I have in a relationship. I'm struggling to think of any. I'm pretty happy to share most things, with anyone. In fact I am happy to over share. So it's probably just waste products which are in the no go zone.

Last year around my birthday we went to a hotel which had beautiful wisteria growing all over the front. Plus it had a peacock. It was really lovely except the ensuite bathroom had no door!!! Who wants to go away for a romantic weekend and hear their partner poop? That isn't sexy. You might be unsurprised that I made G go to the toilet in the bar.
A place this pretty should have more doors
We are now back to making sure the door is closed when someone is going to the loo, because sometimes it's good to shut your partner out. 
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2 comments

  1. I never went to the toilet in front of my his ab until I had a baby, but we've been going to the toilet on front of each other since then - only wees, though! Number 2s are definitely a private matter!

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  2. Damn autocorrect!
    That was supposed to say husband and in front! I'm not sure I like the idea of 'on front'!

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