Friday, 16 December 2016

My Daughter Made Me Cry Again


My eldest daughter is an absolute horror at times. She and I can better manage her frequent meltdowns now than we could in the past, but it’s still a regular occurrence that her emotions take control and she becomes angry or upset. Then there are the times when it is all about her, the times she doesn’t want to share her toys, but also wants to play with all of her little sister’s ones. The ability to see beyond herself and her feelings at times is frustrating, but not totally unexpected at 5 years old. Perhaps due to the the frequency of M’s poor behaviour I have recently been almost reduced to tears over some new behaviour emerging…

There have been a number of times recently when I have been so proud of my eldest girl that I can feel the tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. When she does things that are totally unexpected, but show that she has a beautiful and caring personality. That the feeling of love is just as strong as the more challenging character traits.

A 5 year old girl in red toggle coat, hat and gloves


The first time recently when she melted my heart was a few weeks ago. It had been a hard day looking after Little where she didn’t want to be put down and she had been nearly none stop grizzle. After picking M up from after school club I left the two girls in the lounge. I was surprised that I got that essential five minutes peace while the two girls played together nicely. Little was happy because her big sister was there and M was playing games with her rather than, the more usual, getting annoyed because Little wanted to join in, but didn’t quite understand the rules of the game. The reason this touched me so much was because of just how badly I needed a break. Standing in the doorway watching them it fixed every part of me which had been broken that day. 

Last week M had her school concert in which she was a snowflake. Her parts in Christmas performances seem to shrink each year, the first year she peaked as Mary, the next she was an angel and this year a snowflake. Fortunately she hasn’t complained about the casting and she’s not one for performing in front of strangers anyway. The school nursery and reception children sat on the stage singing all the songs, with each group getting up when it was their turn to perform. M remained focussed throughout the snowflakes’ performance and twirled round and fell down beautifully (just as she was meant too). After the pressure was off and she was seated again I noticed that she wasn’t singing one of the songs. Instead she had twisted round and was talking to someone in the row behind. After a little while I realised there was a boy sitting behind her crying and she was trying to comfort him. She might never make a professional actress, but I love that she was looking after her classmates.

A 5 year old with a white t-shirt with a snowflake on and a white and silver snowflake hat

The last time M has surprised and impressed me recently was at the school disco. It was her first disco this week and she was excited about dancing with her friends. We were in a queue waiting to go in and she asked for £1 so she could buy glow sticks from a stall at the front of the queue. After about 5 minutes jumping around in the queue it was on the move so I asked M: “Do you still have your pound coin?”. Her mouth fell open in a shocked expression before her face started to crumple which led me to establish the money had been lost. I went back to where we had been standing and had a good look on the floor, but it had gone. Just as we were about to give up hope, M found out a boy behind us had found it (and I think he had been planning to use it to buy glow sticks himself). He gave the money back to M and she went to buy the glow sticks. After purchasing her 4 glow sticks M went straight to the boy and gave half to him. I was slightly worried she would regret the decision later, but so proud that she shared them.

These may seem like small things, behaviours you would expect from any nice child. And you are right, but to put other people before yourself isn’t something that young children do. Having compassion for others, recognising how they are feeling and taking appropriate actions to help are all behaviours which take time to develop (or learn). I love seeing how my eldest daughter is growing. I keep telling her how lovely the actions were and how happy she made me. And I will keep telling everyone else too.
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5 comments

  1. This is such a beautiful message to others; you are so blessed to have such wonderful children and your daughter sounds amazing.
    Congrats on being such an awesome mother!

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    1. Thank you, that's a lovely thing to say

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  2. M obviously has a compassionate heart, some of which is nature and some nurture from learnt behaviour. I have two spirited kids myself, I know that feeling well of just needing some peace, they seem to act up when I have a headache or am exhausted. And the same as you have found, these behaviours are interspersed with the unselfish, the small joys where they do as they're told straight away which always surprises me! It shouldn't really, they're great kids and they act well at school and preschool it's just with us they test the boundaries. I find small corrections throughout the day with lots of praise just as you are doing, works well. I think the snowflake sounds like the perfect part! Thank you for linking up to #sharethejoy! Happy Christmas Lizzie xx

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  3. To lose weight, exercise for myself and be happier!

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  4. I have a feisty little lady too and they can be a real challenge but like you are discovering they also frequently melt your heart and make you so proud. Happy new year, Mich x #Sharethejoy

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