One year ago my contractions started and I told your Daddy he should work from home. One year ago the contractions gradually got stronger until you were born, a little faster than the midwives expected. One year ago I held you in my arms for the first time. I struggled to believe you were finally here. Today you are one.

We spend every day together, we spend every night together, you and I are great friends. I have spent months holding you in my arms, months trying to get you to sleep, months smiling with you, weeks laughing with you and a small amount of time annoyed with you.

From the little baby I cuddled on my chest to an increasingly active little girl you have changed so much this year. I can see you have a cheeky personality as you look at me and grin, often after doing what you aren’t meant to . I love how we have conversations, how you babble away like you know exactly what you are talking about and how you give me a big smile or laugh when I tell a joke, even though you don’t understand it.

I’ll admit that the nights are hard work. I love to sleep and I think you do too. You get so upset when you wake up at night, but you haven’t quite mastered the sleep skill yet. That’s ok, you have learnt a lot this year: smiling, laughing, rolling, sitting, eating, crawling, standing, picking up the smallest of your sister’s toys and putting them in your mouth. I understand you have been busy. We’ll crack the sleep thing next year ok?

Your big sister started nursery the day after she turned one. She was there full time for nearly 4 years! You won’t be starting nursery just yet as I’m going to be staying home with you. I hope that’s ok. I know I don’t spend all my time playing with you, but you seem happy exploring on your own or playing with the cat. I promise I will try to be a good enough Mum for you. We will go to groups so you can make some friends, and hopefully Mummy will make some too. I’m going to think of so many things for us to do together. It’s going to be amazing. I will get to be there to see you do so much that I missed out on with your big sister.

One of the great things about me working from home will be school holidays. Then you will get to spend lots of time with your sister too. I know you love your sister lots. I’ve seen how your face lights up and you kick your legs when you see her for the first time in a while. It must be hard for you to understand that your sister is only around half the time. You’ll be even more confused when you learn she has a different Daddy. One day I’ll explain, and I’m sorry the situation isn’t ideal, but if I was still with her Daddy then you wouldn’t be here. Trust me it’s a good thing, but I miss her too when she isn’t here.

You are such a loved little girl. With your big blue eyes and beaming grin you try and make friends with everyone. I’ve lost count of the times I have heard someone talking to you after you have engaged them with your smile. Just occasionally I forget how amazing you are and then your Daddy or your Grandparents comment on some new skill with awe. “Yes, that’s my girl. She is so good at standing, she’s been practising, you should see how she walks on increasingly strong legs just holding my finger”. I’m proud of you.

I’m not the best Mummy in the world. I don’t have a lot of patience, especially when tired. I shout too much and I have times when I am sad and lack the energy for life. You help me though. Your big smile when I’m crying has made me wipe my eyes dry. It has made me take a deep breath and calm down. I know that it will get harder as you get bigger. Your sister is so good at pushing my limits, and I’m sure that is a skill you will learn too, but keep giving me those big smiles, those hugs and learn to give slightly less soggy kisses and it will help me a lot.

There is so much we have to explore together, so much to learn, but please don’t feel there is any rush. I don’t know if you will ever have another brother or sister, but you are only young once. Time passes so quickly. I don’t quite know how your sister got to 5 years old, how she got so big and how she learnt so much, but please promise me you will try not to grow up too quickly. Let’s make memories together, let’s laugh, let’s play.

My beautiful baby. Today you are one. 

Disclosure: The beautiful birthday outfit in these pictures were given to us by Essex based Little Chickie which sells beautiful clothes and gifts for babies and toddlers online. The top and skirt are both lovely quality and you can expect to see them in more pictures this year.

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