It is a truth universally acknowledged that a parent with young children must be in want of some sleep. And anyone who knows me is should be well aware that when I’m really tired I am short tempered and I struggle to control my tone and language so I sound annoyed even when I’m not. The energy for those extra words in a sentence which make communication more polite and gentle are one of the many things I just don’t have energy for or the ability to remember. The ability to phrase my thoughts and consider the likely misinterpretations is lost too, if I ever had it.

I have a young child who wakes up early and often once during the night. I am pregnant and often struggle to sleep. I am exhausted and cranky. I seem to be annoying people left, right and centre. 

I don’t mean to. I’m not actually annoyed with anyone (except my children when they demonstrate their ability to mess up the house constantly and ignore everything I say), but I have upset or offended pretty much everyone I speak to recently. 

Yes I should try harder, and I do, but words just don’t seem to come out right anymore and the second I forget to think through what I say or write 5 times before it’s shared I say the wrong thing, in the wrong way and the wrong time.

Sometimes I feel it would be easier to go live in a hole.

It’s unlikely to change anytime soon either because I’m just a few weeks away from having a newborn in the house. A newborn and a toddler home all day. No chance to sleep when the baby sleeps, I will be a very bad tempered zombie.

So I think I will refrain from replying to messages, consider against meeting up with friends and avoid being in the same room as my partner or by the summer I will find I have no one left.

If you know me, if you ever communicate with me in any way please know I bear you no malice, I am not annoyed with you and I am not trying to be a cow. But I am tired and quite possibly in pain. I don’t want to offend you, I just need sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.