I have a huge number of blog posts to write on my to do list. I have lots of ideas for here and social media, but so far in 2021 I haven’t found my oomph. I was so looking forward to seeing family at Christmas and that didn’t happen because we were Tier 3 and not allowed to go anywhere. Then a lockdown hit, not that we really noticed because we weren’t really allowed to do much anyway and then? Oh let’s just shut the schools, because that didn’t make everyone really struggle last time. 

I’m not actually being critical about the Government’s approach because I think they are fighting a losing battle against a huge number of people who just don’t follow the rules. If schools are open then parents get too close and have chats, open pubs and restaurants and groups mix, shops open? People bump into their friends and catch up. 

I don’t fully blame people either. We are all over this pandemic thing. It is boring. In a country where we pretty much get to do what we want all the time the restrictions are not something we are used to. Ok it doesn’t help when we see people in authority flouting the rules, but we don’t like to do as we are told anyway. Even the whole “science” based information is ignored or at least questioned by a surprising number of people.

My point is that whatever the rules say or don’t say there is a significant number of people ignoring them which means the Government rules have to be a strict as they think they can get away with the majority following with the knowledge that others will ignore them. And by closing schools they stop the majority of those school gate chats and the virus being spread that way.

So the beginning of term was horrible. I was constantly pulled in 3 different directions trying to meet the needs of my children: a toddler who needs playing with, a Reception aged child who isn’t able to read the instructions for their work and doesn’t have the motivation to do anything alone even if they know what to do and a 9 year old who hates change and really doesn’t get on well with the remote learning approach. When Nursery confirmed my son could start it was a tough decision, but it has absolutely been the right one.

From Day 1 at Nursery my son has wandered in happily and then emerged 3 hours later. It gives me 2 1/2 hours to focus on homeschooling. This is still a huge battle most days with my middle child avoiding writing at all costs and my eldest trying to get away with the minimum amount of work she can possibly do, but it means no one stealing the pens off the table when we aren’t looking and graffitiing the floor and walls. 

The weeks my eldest is at her Dad’s house I have had time to focus one on one with Little and it has made a huge difference. I have been able to focus on her better, I have tried to make work more fun, but even with one it’s still challenging.

At the end of each day (and for most of the time leading up to the end of it) I am tired and unmotivated, but before my son started at Nursery I ended the day totally drained. When Saturday rolled round my brain was mush and I needed the day to recover before I could do anything meaningful.

I have cut right back on my blog work and I’m rarely posting on social media. I have very low expectations on myself of what I need to achieve because: homeschooling, childcare, cooking, cleaning, tidying, food shopping and laundry are pretty much all I am capable of right now. I’m not going to have big plans about what I will do when schools finally do reopen because who knows how long my children will be there before being sent home. I can’t get into a routine when I know the rug could be pulled out from under my feet at any moment. 

A big part of me is treading water and waiting to be able to feel alive again, while another part of me is just bumbling along ignoring that I have hopes and dreams that are bigger than this. I’ll do the every day and just allow myself to operate at this lower level for now. I’m trying my hardest not to compare myself to others because I know that our situations and abilities are not the same. I have to do what is right for me, which means my blog is a little quieter for now, but I have been blogging for 10 years, my virtual voice is not going to disappear.

I hope you are all doing ok and my inbox is always open.