Why It Matters

For a long time, I put making time for my own hobbies in the selfish category, somewhere below sorting the loft on the priority list. I have been reminded this shouldn't be the case. Having something that brings you joy and is entirely yours is not a luxury, but essential maintenance. It gives your brain somewhere to go that is nothing to do with the mental load, and it gives you something to say when people ask what you have been up to that isn't a summary of everyone else's week.

It isn't just about us though, our children our always watching us. I want my children to grow up seeing that adults, and mums, get to enjoy things too. I want them to see me as a person with interests, rather than just the managers of the family admin department. That lesson wont come from what I say, but what they see me do. 

And on the more difficult weeks, taking maybe just twenty minutes out helps me unwind.  It is harder to spiral about an unanswered school email when you are concentrating on keeping a wash of blue inside a wobbly pencil line. My head is quieter after painting than after any amount of scrolling through my phone on the sofa. 

Why I Chose Painting

I started out with a list of requirements as long as my arm. The hobby had to be cheap, because anything that required major investment would make me feel too guilty to start. It had to be possible at home,  because arranging childcare for an evening class adds extra hassle and cost I don't need.  It had to survive being interrupted mid-task, because everything in my life seems to get paused multiple times. Finally I didn't want it to involve a screen because I already spend too much of my time staring at one. 

Watercolour painting turned out to be the perfect fit.  I bought beginner watercolour kits from Tobios, everything in one small tin, so there was no overwhelming art shop trip or cart full of mystery supplies, and I started painting at the kitchen table after bedtime. My total set up each evening took just a few minutes and a jam jar of water.

I should make it clear that I'm not a naturally artistic person. My first paintings were genuinely terrible, but it didn't matter because nobody was marking them. Nobody even had to see them. Doing something badly simply because you enjoy it is a luxury we encourage in our children, but often deny ourselves as adults. 

How to Make Time For It

If I am being honest, the time was already there, but I was wasting it on my phone. Changing twenty minutes of scrolling after the children's bedtime into twenty minutes of painting made a massive difference to how I felt.  Scrolling can leave me annoyed and lacking focus, whereas painting helps me wind down so I can get to sleep easier. 

My best practical tip is to leave your kit out where you can see it. My paints live on a little tray on the side, ready to go, because if a hobby is out of site it is easy to forget about before a habit has had the chance to form. A kit you can quickly pick up and put down also survives the reality that a child will need a drink, a wee or an urgent philosophical discussion about clouds the moment you sit down.

I keep this creative time strictly for me. The children have their own paints and sometimes we all do it together on a rainy Sunday, which is lovely. However the evening sessions are mine alone. It's having the time to focus just on myself that really makes the difference. If you start to feel guilty, think about what you would say to a friend who confessed she felt bad about taking twenty minutes to paint. You would tell her she needs to prioritise herself. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to her, and then pick up the brush.

What It Gave Me

Six months in, the paintings are still fairly average, but the real benefits have nothing to do with the art itself. I have something to talk about that is not my children. I have a little stack of small wins in a drawer, proof that I can still learn things. My husband knows that when the tray comes out he is on duty to handle any bedtime negotiations, and setting that boundary was probably good for us too.

Mostly, it gave me a little bit of myself back. Not the old pre-kids me, she is gone and that is fine, but a current version who does something just because she likes it. It sounds like such a small thing, but it has made a huge difference. 

Your own hobby doesn't have to be painting of course. It might be running, growing tomatoes or learning crochet. But if someone asked you tonight what you do for fun and you would come up empty like I did, take it as your sign. Pick something small, keep it cheap and put it somewhere you can reach. You are allowed to have your own space.