Tuesday, 21 March 2017

I Would Love Another Baby, But...

Some people choose to have one baby, others choose to have more than one. Some people end up with babies by accident and others would love one (or more) but life has other ideas. I have the feeling my family isn’t complete and I would love to have another child yet the thought of another baby makes me anxious. I have so many fears, doubts and worries about adding to our family. I am the sort of person who likes to have plans and I want to either plan for the next or clear out all the baby bits and work on moving on, but I can't decide what I should do.

I want another baby, but ...

A close up of a newborn baby with her eyes closed resting on her arm

How would I cope with another pregnancy?

I know that every pregnancy can be different, but I am at high risk of having pelvic girdle pain again. I found PGP so difficult to manage last time and that was without me having a toddler to care for. I can't see me making it through 9 months without needing to sit on the floor or pick Little up. There is also the inevitable tiredness and nausea which comes with pregnancy and that's if I'm lucky enough not to have HG or any serious health condition. Even a “good” pregnancy will put a lot of pressure on us as a family.

How would my body be post pregnancy?

I still struggle with some PGP over a year after giving birth to Little. Pregnancy is hard on a woman's body so how much damage will I do myself with another pregnancy? Each one takes more out of me. Do I risk lasting damage with another one?

Can I cope with three children?

I wouldn't have chosen the four year age gap between my two girls, but it works out really well most of the time. M has been great helping me out and she is sensible enough than I can leave her looking after Little for a few minutes while I shower or make food. I couldn’t risk leaving a toddler and a baby together while I had a shower so I can expect even less time for me with another child.


Would I ever sleep again? 

With two little ones at home it's unlikely I would get a chance to nap and how do I get both of them to sleep anyway? It's not like I can abandon a toddler to feed the baby to sleep. And then there will be the nights where I have three times the number of wake ups as each one wakes up needing attention. I don’t do well with tiredness and I love my sleep. If the baby is a bad sleeper I will make everyone miserable.

How would I fit them in the car?

There are plenty of cars which fit three car seats across the backseat, but we have a Ford Fiesta. Another baby would mean investing in a bigger car, a big outlay and ongoing expense we can’t really afford. The biggest problem with a larger car though is I would struggle to park it.

Where will they sleep?

We have a three bedroom house which means eventually two of the children would need to share a room. Currently Little is still in with us, but we would need to transition her before a baby came along. Of course one day we will need to move her out of our room anyway, but a new baby creates a time pressure to move her out (and to clear out the spare room currently used for storage). 

How will I work?

I just about manage to fit in blogging around one small child at home, but with an extra little one to take care of working would become even harder. The best time to work when you are a SAHM is in the evenings and nap times, but my children don’t sleep so that isn’t an option if I am ever going to sleep.

Will we ever go on holiday again?

There are adventures we want to go on, but we are delaying until Little is old enough to enjoy them. Another baby means putting off the holidays for a couple more years and when they do happen they’ll be even more expensive with another head to pay for.

Will I ever go out again?

Little sleeps really badly so going out at night isn’t really an option. In the last few months I've only made it to a PTA meeting. A night out with the girls is a push, date night? No chance. How many years will it be before I could go out with G again?

What about M?

My big girl is a brilliant big sister, but she misses the attention she got when it was just her. How will she cope if she gets even less time with me? And how much will I miss out on spending less time with her? Her siblings would be close in age so will she get left out? By having another child would I risk losing my eldest who is only with me half the time anyway, what if she chooses to live with her Dad full time where she can be the focus of attention instead of getting a third of me?

Am I over thinking things? Should I just wait and see? Is three really that different to two?


Every time I think I have made a decision I change my mind. I am happy now, but I feel something is missing. I am worried that going for one more child might ruin what we have, but if we don’t have another will I always feel that there is someone missing from my family?
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16 comments

  1. I always thought three sounded like a nice, round number but it's SUCH a big leap from two- like you say, it'd been a much bigger lifestyle overhaul. You'll know yourself if or when the time is right for you. I only have one and wonder the same!

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    1. I suspect my regret about having another would not be as bad as my regret for not having one

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  2. I always loved the idea of three children but after getting Sepsis and being in hospital for 4 weeks after Neve was born I know that I can't put myself through it again!

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  3. Ah I've got three, it really isn't that bad. We had to go from a Ford Fiesta to a Citroen picssso c4 grande and to be honest, despite initial worries, it's more economic and actually easy to drive and park! Everything can be worked around but it's a very personal decision on whether to have another or not so you need to think whether you would regret not having another x

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    1. Ooo thank you, this gives me hope *goes off to google cars*

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  4. Before having children I always wanted a whole football team. Then after my first I said one was enough, now I have two I'm still not sure I'm done but have all the same worries as you ox

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    1. It's tough. 3 is definitely more of a challenge, but I think it might just be worth it

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  5. I really want three. I really hope I get to have one more in the future :) x

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    1. Fingers crossed it works out for you x

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  6. I understand totally where you are coming from, I have one child and craving for another. But I understand the healthy aspect, but remember that pain won't last forever and your are going through it for the most amazing thing in the world, your new addition! Holidays, ok I get it, it can wait, nights out it can wait. Three bedroom home, look at it this way, at least you have a warm loving home, if it gets too much, bunk beds or all the family pile into one x

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    1. Yes, I think a bigger bed might be the solution (And ear plugs). Thank you

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  7. There is 4 years between my first 2 and I've just had number 3, 2 years after number 2. I'm not going to lie, it was the worst pregnancy ever but I knew I wasn't done. We have 3 bedrooms and the younger 2 will eventually share. I'm a firm believer that you never regret the children you have. We are 3 weeks in and I think I've cried at least 4 times that this is my last baby, I think i would just carry on. Have the baby :) xz

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    1. Oh ok then ;-) Ours would be the same age gap (depending on how easily I got pregnant). I need to spend a couple of months getting my body ready first or I think I would be totally disabled by 5 months. Thank you

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  8. As a fellow PGP sufferer I can relate, I would absolutely love another baby and always planned to have three but I can't face another pregnancy. Plus my first 9lb13, my second was 10lb12 ... I don't want to know what number 3 would be!!

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    1. Eek, yes with that trend it's a little painful to think about.

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