I’m going on holiday soon. As I’m going to stay with my Mum in France it means it’s relatively low stress, but like any trip away from home I feel the need to plan weeks ahead to ensure that I have everything necessary and to reduce the last minute anxiety.

I have gone through the “where are all the passports?” panic, cleared off the “have we got travel insurance?” anxiety and eliminated the concerns about how we’ll get to the airport. I have worried about whether the flights will get cancelled and whether we should have booked a private jet with Jettly to make sure we don't have last minute problems, but flights are now booked.

However I am still experiencing the butterflies of Little going on her first flight and holiday abroad. The cold sweats about how a 5 month old will cope if temperatures are high, and the angst over what we’ll do with a 4 year old if it’s rainy.

I am distressed at the thought of wearing a bikini and not being able to fit into any of my summer clothes. Admittedly I have the excuse that 6 months ago my belly was ginormous and stuffed full of baby so we might be able to ignore the truth that I am rather heavier than I was a few weeks post birth.

Until I have packed I will have the jitters that our luggage allowance won’t be enough, and until I pack to go home again I will doubt I have packed everything needed for me and the girls (G can do his own packing). 

I also have the uneasiness over how much the holiday will cost given the current performance of the Pound against the Euro and the foreboding about how difficult future trips to Europe might be.

Despite all this dread I’m looking forward to the holiday. I have my lists of everything to buy, everything to pack and everything to sort out before we go. For me lists and forward planning are how I keep calm. Or relatively calm. I need to feel in control and have everything sorted well in advance. 

On the day of the flight I will annoy everyone by running round finishing of all the last minute bits. If they are lucky I will stay in a good mood and not snap due to my fear of missing the flight. Hopefully we will arrive at the airport ridiculously early (like normal), but at least that gives us plenty of time for numerous loo breaks, a possible tantrum in duty free when I refuse to buy M some oversized cuddly toy and ideally time to have a tasty but over priced breakfast.

For me I don’t start to relax until we have dropped the bags and gone through security. As I put my phone back in my pocket, the iPad back in the Trunki and replace my shoes I exhale. A long, slow exhalation of a breath I have been holding for about a month. Finally the holiday is happening, time to relax.