I love my life, I love my partner and I love my children, but at times it feels all a little, well suffocating I guess. During the first year of a child’s life their dependency on their parents is more than at any other time so it’s not surprising I’m exhausted. Throw in Baby Boy not being the easiest of babies and the madness that is being a mum of 3 and at times I feel totally overwhelmed.  

One of the ways I have been getting through the harder days is to tell myself “just hang in there, next year will be better”. With Baby Boy turning 1 at the beginning of January I see the New Year as a time of hope, time to be a bit more focused on me again. I guess I am treating this year as a kinda of maternity leave where I will sacrifice it all for the baby, but I can only do that for so long. I have promised myself that next year I will get a break. This could be optimistic given that Little (my middle child) insisted on me being with her as she went to sleep until she turned 3. I’m hoping it will be different with my son.

January will mark 4 continuous years of me being required for bedtimes. Of needing to be home between at least 6 and 8pm every night, but more realistically all evening. I’ve had a handful of nights off in that time, but not without significant pain on my partners part. I’ve given up on meeting up with friends in the evening, exercise classes and even the school PTA because it required military planning and children that don’t like to follow plans. The big difference with Baby Boy is that he will go to sleep being rocked by his Dad. It doesn’t always work, and there are times that only me (or rather my mammary glands) will do, but I’m not needed for every single nap time and wake up. This is such a relief.

I’m hoping that next year we will get longer breaks between teething, colds and developmental leaps and that Baby Boy’s sleep at night will stretch out. I’m hoping that he will start eating more in the day and need less milk. I have a lot of hope, but it all boils down to one thing: wanting a break. 

Ahh a break. How amazing would that be? Some time just to focus on me or my partner and I? Some time to relax without listening out for a crying child or arguments. Some me time, some quiet time, some free time. 

I’m not even sure what I would do on a break, other than worry if my children are ok of course (can parents ever switch off?). The idea of a break and time to breathe keeps me going, but I haven’t got as far as the details. Some time away would probably be the ideal because being at home without the children tends to be spent working or on housework. While they say a change is as good as a break a couple of days cleaning in the house isn’t really what I was thinking of. 

A break away in the UK would probably be best. Far enough away to feel like a treat, but close enough that I could get home if needed. I’ve been browsing the internet and I like the idea of a UK spa break with Voyage Privé. I can almost feel the bubbles in the jacuzzi and the heat of the sauna. And maybe afternoon tea with some champagne before an early night in a big comfy bed? A bed that I’m not going to find some random toy in and a bedside table that has a notable absence of a baby monitor which might light up with the sound of crying at any moment.

Of course the gift of a weekend away isn’t all I want for Christmas. I also have really amazing things I want like: 

Don’t get me wrong I will be *very* excited to get a new vacuum, but a break away will the start of finding me again. And that’s what I really want for Christmas.