Not Just A Mum - 5 Ways To Remember Who You Are

(AD) 10 years ago I was pregnant with my first child. I was a senior manager and part of the leadership team where I worked. I was earning a really good wage and lived in an awesome house in a nice area with my partner and our 2 cats. I was known and respected for being me. Fast forward 10 years and more people know me for being someone’s mum than as Kate. My life and moods revolve around my children and some times it’s hard not to let motherhood define me. 

Putting a stack of clothes away in the children's room wearing a t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms
Comfy joggers are a go to for housework

There is something about birthdays, especially milestone birthdays that make you look at your life and reflect on everything. You ask yourself: Am I happy? What do I want to achieve in the next year? Is life going how I want it to? This year has been no different. Social media makes it so easy to compare your life to others. There are those who are thinner, more beautiful, more funny, richer. It’s a catalogue of alternative lives you didn’t get, but sometimes you need to remember that things are actually ok.

5 Ways To Find Yourself Again

It’s ok for motherhood to be a big part of your life, but it doesn’t have to be EVERYTHING. Sometimes it can be hard to remember what else you are so here are 5 things to try to find yourself again outside of the motherhood role.

Focus on what you love

Create a mind map of what makes you happy then create plans for how you can spend more time doing those things. My map includes everything from being near the sea to hearing my children laugh. It’s ok for your family to be a big part of what you love, but it shouldn’t be everything

Go on a course or a project

Sometimes you need to take a step back to remember what you enjoy, or to find new things you love. I remember going on a photography course after I had my second child and a few years after leaving full time employment. I loved spending the time chatting with other adults who knew nothing about my family about our passion for art and photography. I hugely benefitted from that time exploring my interest and it was an important reminder that I need to encourage my creative time.

Get glam

As mothers, whether we go out to work or not, we tend to spend a lot of our time in uniform. I wear a lot of the same clothes because they are easy to wash, don’t need ironing and wont get damaged easily by my children. The practical nature of my clothes often takes away from the enjoyment of them. It’s not just my clothes that have become effortless though. 10 years ago I wouldn’t have left the house without mascara, but with each child my make up routine has become shorter. 

Getting dressed up in something different to the normal, getting your hair done, doing your make up (or even better getting it done professionally) can help you look at yourself in a new light. It can make you feel like you have more possibilities. Sometimes looking less like your every day self can actually remind you of what you really are or could be and make you feel more special.

Me wearing a wine coloured midi body con dress from Femme Luxe and looking glam
Feeling glamorous is a wine coloured bodycon midi dress 

Go out with friends

Of course as a mother you love spending time with your family, but it’s important to spend time with adults too. A catch up with a friend while the children play is good, but it’s even better if you can have a good chat and laughter without your children around. To not have to worry about what you say, to laugh, to listen and to be listened to feeds a part of you that you don’t get when trying to find out what they want for dinner or what they got up to at school that day.

Slow down

We can spend so much of our lives in auto mode. We do all the things without thinking and don’t stop to feel. Trying to spend some time being mindful, to become more conscious of our actions can allow to get back in touch with how we feel and what we enjoy. Starting with having a drink or some food and really tasting it, so appreciate the feel in your mouth and the flavour, instead of shovelling food in while keeping half an eye to make sure the toddler doesn’t spill food everywhere or jumping up to get a drink or seconds for other children.

Taking time to slow down and remember who I am besides a mother
Taking time to slow down and appreciate the small things (Wearing a cropped off the shoulder top and maxi skirt)

Clothes received from Femme Luxe

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